Dear Colorado Department of Transportation, Aurora Police Department, Mile High Courtesy Patrol, Mr. Mayor and every bloody driver on I-70 West or East,

I do not know why on God’s green earth (or in Denver’s case twiggy dry and brown but I’ll come back to that) it is as difficult as it is getting from the Peoria exit to I-225 and Mississippi at 6:00pm, 7:00pm, 8:00pm and just last week 9:00pm. I do not know if I-70 is suddenly where they’re sending all the short bus drivers (or their former passengers for that matter) but it has become a national security issue. I figure I’ll put that in the letter and someone will take notice and send us a Homeland Security man to nod, smile and then walk away chuckling all the while.

Seriously. This highway must be blessed with accidents, idiots and nincompoops in the gazillions. I drive that road every day at different times and unless it’s at like 9:00am the experience is comparable to trying sit through the latest Eddie Murphy disaster and not want to scream obscene things at the screen even if he can’t hear you.

Sorry, what? Oh, he’s filming in Denver? Uh, crud. Eddie, I’m sorry. Uh, you’re movies lately kinda don’t suck as much as like say…Steven Segal?

Back on topic I think we need to call a priest, pastor and shaman out to the highway and do a blessing, cleaning, and holy water spraying and street cleaning. Because that road has become my nemesis. Is there like a black hole around the Colfax exit? Does the center of gravity need to be moved? Cause seriously people it’s going to have me out in the middle of the road screaming, tearing my hair out and dancing like a mad man.